ash
ahahhahaha my sister finally going back to australia... now I can kick my other sister to her room... then don't have to use earphones for my fucked up radio... the damn thing only one side got sound...

Love. 5:22 AM




ash
hey bev are you that person on marisa's diary? If you are I say just leave it. I mean, if this is the kind of person that 15 years on this earth in her life has put together, then I doubt a couple of words now will turn her around.

I can't believe I went to download more songs again... but I'm addicted to John Mayer's clarity, Hillary Duff's come clean and Eamon's...

"Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)"

[Verse 1:]
See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know that i feel

[chorus:]
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back

[verse 2:]
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me

[chorus x2]

Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah

Ya questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but i do admit i'm sad.
It hurts real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe

[chorus]

Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh Oh oh
Uh huh yeah

heheheheheheheheh.

Love. 5:58 PM




ash
am i so happy everytime? to see y'all maybe. actually i think i have bipolar depression. or maniac depression? heh

eh can we meet on hari raya? just a sugggestion. mon's a holiday right?

i think that nowadays all 3 of us are sounding more and more depressed somehow.

don't laugh. that's just what i think.

Love. 6:06 PM




ash

seems nowadays everyone is getting jaded about friendship and questioning friendship's sanctity. so this is what friendship means to me.

friendship is about as few inhibitions as possible. it's about them seeing you at your crapiest. without your makeup or your hair done or in a hello kitty shirt and bright purple shorts.

friendship isn't like on TV. it won't be quite so perfect nor half as turbulent. most of the time, it's more a matter of being bored together.

friendship will hurt. there will be lies and quarrels and betrayals and tears. there will always be problems in friendships. if it is all peace and happiness right now, then this is probably just the calm before a big, bad storm. but friends will work it through. those who'd rather take the easy way out and give up the friendship isn't worth being a friend with.

but the worst enemy friendship has is not the backstabbers or 2 faced people. if a friendship is meant to be it will survive all those. what a friendship should fear most is time, for time apart can lead a friendship 2 ways: together or apart. simple as that. just remember that though your friend may not be able to be with you all the time, it is not about physical presence.

remember to always keep your jealousy in check. your friends are not bound to you only. they are entitled to other friends. at the end of the day, have faith in your friend.

there will be differences. you may be willing to throw yourself off the cliff for someone while he or she can't be bothered to remember your birthday. you may support bush while that someone may support gore. embrace those differences as best you can. don't let them interfere with the friendship.

if something bothers you, speak up. don't assume your friends will always be able to know what you are feeling. they are not mindreaders. don't expect them to be so.

friendship does not depend on common interests or age group or family income or clothes worn or schools attended. opposites can attract. the cheerleaders and the nerds, the cool and the lame, the gregarious and the quiet, the hiphoppers and the rock chicks. because friendship is about something more innate than labels.

friendships will die. someone you may have shared everything with once upon a time you may now consider the biggest bitch on earth. just leave a little room for reconciliation somewhere and hope that one day, she will do the same.

friendship is as important as any kind of love. it may be transitional, but like with any kind of love, don't give up hope. it will come to you. hurt, but heal. no one ever said it was easy.

this is how i feel. but it's terribly presumptious of me to think that i could pin friendship down like that. words can only say so much. feel the rest.


Love. 5:12 AM




ash

5 reasons why CNY sucks:

1. those stupid gongxifacai songs
2. redredred everywhere
3. relatives
4. traffic jams
5. inflated prices

5 reasons why CNY is good:

1. money duh.
2. snacks
3. new clothes
4. no school
5. gambling

sigh. i wasn't "baring my soul". and yes if i had any guts i think i would've killed myself a long time ago.

Love. 12:03 PM




ash
wad the hell. bahhhh. why can't all my relatives move out to s'pore? yeah rite just for me.

wad the hell... i was just feeling very wadwadwad... moaning.... mixture of hyper and bored and frustrated... why do you think i managed to write two long entries on the same day... i was in one of my moods...

i meant 38 weeks of sch left lah bodoh... week 2 just finish. therefore 40-2=38. geddit? and anyway everyones os is at the same time lah.

and the thing that happened with the earphones happened again today with diskettes and cheese... bought already then realize at home still got...

it's very early still and i feel wide awake but i think i should go to sleep to make up for lost hours...

Love. 9:44 PM




ash*
bad news i can't meet y'all on wed cause we are going to m'sia at like 4 so there is no time. I can meet on friday or sat though.

Love. 6:19 PM




ash*
i actually have more to add. when i was listening to acoustic cafe one side of my earphones suddenly bonked out. naturally i assumed that it was a problem with the earphones so i went to buy a new pair only to discover that it was the problem with my radio because the old earphones still work perfectly well with my cd player.

i've been going around reading blogs because i am soooo bored. no one worth talking to is online. my mailbox is fully checked. i have no urge to do my physics. i was going to watch tv but my sister has managed to grab it before i did. now she's watching the tape of CSI and Dark Angel which i have already watched.

i know i woke up so early this morning but as i already mentioned i drank coffee. in me, the coffee takes 48 hours to wash out of my system.

oh yar i forgot to mention this weird dream i had the other night. it's kinda embarressing lah. but it was very very vivid. i was kinda naked in certin portions of the dream. don't get any ideas. i know dream analysis better than you. it just means i feel more free to express myself because in the dream i felt no shame. then there was this Cinderella-like castle, even with peasants growing crops. these four brown dogs started to attack me before this old, scary man called them off. it kind of means that i am having regrets. then there was this part where i was running along this tree-lined street. dunno what that means.

hey can you guys tell me what were your first impressions of me? i just feel like knowing all of a sudden. as far back as possible. mich P1 also can.

sighhhhhh

2 weeks down, 38 to go. actually less than that considering the o levels period. but i guess i'll be studying then for chinese.

let me leave with another song lyric:

on the road again
just can't wait to get on the road again
i find love is making music with my friends
and i can't wait to get on the road again

on the road again
going places that i've never been
seeing things that i may never see again
i can't wait on the road again

on the road again
like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
we're the best of friends
insisting that the world be turning our way
and our way
is on the road again

on the road again
just can't wait to get on the road again
i find love is making music with my friends
and i can't wait to get on the road again

on the road again
like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
we're the best of friends
insisting that the world be turning our way
and our way
is on the road again

on the road again
just can't wait to get on the road again
i find love is making music with my friends
and i can't wait to get on the road again

and i can't wait to get on the road again

willie nelson- on the road again

Love. 11:56 PM




ash*
there's this girl in my class which i shall call A. and i shall tell you why i hatehatehate her.

the other day she was like 'all the sec ones surely very cheena one lah' and i was thinking 'wad are you talking about? YOU are so cheena yourself'

and then whenever the maths teacher give homework she bangs on the table and throws a tantrum. so bloody juvenile. hello this is sec three isn't next year going to be worst?

she's been caught by 2 teachers for sleeping in class. i have nothing against not paying attention but can you please be smart about it? even if you want to do something else you must learn to hide it lor because then the teacher will scold and be in a bad mood and start blaming the class then we'll probably end up with even more work to do.

those are just a FEW examples. you know what, even if I never mention her name she will know that I'm talking about her if she reads this so here goes: her name is MARISSA and I don't like her. even if from now on the entire class likes turns on me or something I don't think i care. i would call her something of a more vicous nature but i have heard stories of people being sued. so right here i just want to say: I AM NOT DISSING HER I JUST THINK THAT MY PERSONALITY CLASHES WITH HERS SO I HOPE WE CAN HAVE THIS MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN EACH OTHER THAT WE SHOULD HAVE MINIMAL CONTACT. I MEAN NO MALICE IN MY WORDS.

anyway there is also another girl which I shall call B

I think she thinks she is very smart and she does not stop reminding me of that. i know i do that with jaime and silvia and mann ying and elizabeth and the 2 of you and a whole lot of other people but they know that it is more sarcasm than actual boasting (okay that is debatable)

i'm going to blow up at someone by the end of this term. a BIG blow up. i really can't stand them. i made a mistake of not taking triple sci. should've known all the nice pple are going there. i really miss last years class. esp. getting my kicks out of sparring with wulin and annabel and insulting silvia jaime and mann ying and receiving back my english and lit stuff with mrs tians comments

oh and then there's this other girl in my cca who seems to hate me. I don't know why. could it be because of something a former member of b'mad told her? i think you know who i'm talking about now. maybe I'm just imaging things.

by the way do you know a marrianne yeo? two years younger than us from ijtp now in my cca. her name sounds damn familiar

i just printed out my 20 poems just now. tried a couple on some lit students. well they didn't understand what the poems meant so that's good right? haha i really don't mean that as an insult but it is my opinion that the more cryptic a poem is the better.

hey you know pple actually read this blog. haha but i doubt jaime will reach this part. i think she will think it's too long.

anyway lessons now are like kinda useless coz the science is still stuck at revision and maths is still at the easy stage.

and i'm scared shit of the pe teacher. she looks so... i mean i suck at all forms of activity involving movement and i am damn pessimistic about it so i think i am going to die.

oh and we have this chem teacher and he is like obviously so new and he doesn't really know what he is teaching lor. and he always has a chalk line on his butt. all his classes know that cos (as GROSS as this sounds) we are all staring at it the entire lesson. his email is raul_kit or smth like that. not that he gave it to us but he was stupid enough to show it to us when he was trying to show us something from his email acc. and he came to our class and brought us to the lab as if we are like primary kids or something. the good thing is all the lesson time gone. and he insisted DON'T NEED TO BRING YOUR BAG JUST YOUR PAPER and we were trying to tell him that it was the last lesson of the day. of course he didn't understand what we were trying to say. he has this funny pronunciation also. he says 'dissolve' like 'diessolve' and he says 'down' with this accent. cannot say seVen. he says seWen. like an indian (some of them... i'm not that racist).

speaking of indians. i accidently cut in front of this indian man today. i didn't know he was queing. his friend was like 'little girl never mind'. i pretended i didn't notice.

and my chinese tacher talks chinese like i talk english. FAST AND NEVER STOP FOR BREATH. but as long as it wasn't that wang jian.

oh and the seniors were hinting at something being wrong with mrs sherwood. they were like asking 'do you like her' and smiling smiling. i think she's fine (but then again i thought that last year about ms gwee at the start of the year)

and this morning i woke up at 5 to listen to acoustic cafe only to learn that that is the second hour. means from now on i am going to wake up every sat at 4 am. but it's a live broadcast by voa musicmix so i have to listen. i realize that no one knows what i am talking about. forget it don't ask me.

i drank coffee this morning and i went completely crazy. should've known that would happen. totally siao.

on wed we have to plan carefully and soon. i think worst come to worst we go out on tues. on wed my mother really doesn't want me to go out.

nowadays i don't feel like studying at all. miss the hols. and if trish starts her slacker club i'll be the first to join. my sis and her friends also want to start a rock club where all they do is stone.

okay i think i let bev wait a long time for this. got lots more to say but i shall stop for now.


Love. 8:55 PM




ash
hey it's 7.25 am and I'm bored. been up since 5.30. didn't brush my teeth last night cause i just fell asleep watching the anatomists. but feeling rather amused right now because of reasons i want to say but if i do there will be trouble in a way. one of the reasons is that i was listening to the radio because i couldn't sleep anymore and heard acoustic cafe on what i guess must be a malaysian radio station. can't believe they had acoustic cafe. heard ryan adams and josh ritter and the beatles and nelly furtado etc. i was just scanning and the lovely sounds of josh ritter caught me. ah well. I was feeling like crap yesterday. in the middle of physics i was thinking i have to call mich if not i am going to explode. but later i had ld so i just crushed jaime with my complains. i don't know who goes online to read what but basically my class sucks (esp. a few specific pple... there's a bunch of cheena pple and a bunch of pai kias and the only nice pple are the ones form 2D. oh and of course there is ****** who is killing me), my teachers suck, ld is going to suck (my father says i can go for the australian trip if i want but i know i will feel guilty if i do. anyway the audition sounds so scary so forget it. now that mrs tian is gone... the remaining teachers are 'beep'. they actually dissolved debate and some of them joined us as a 'debate wing' and that's so pretentious), IS THIS GETTING TOO LONG? WELL I DON'T CARE I'M INSPIRED I'm not regretting taking pure geog... but the thing is I only like pure geog the subject... I wish I could take elective elit instead of elective history cause I hate history... i don't really care for bio though... I'm better at humanities (because I am humane??) wadever... am I boring you yet? anyway...there is so much more to say but there may be people reading this (even though the contrary is more likely) and I have to be on the safe side and not say so much... but now that jaime and silvia are no longer in my class i have no one that will listen to my crap. so this is kinda all my crap for the week stuffed into a jar and let out now... oh and i hurt my finger during pe catching a damn ball cause I'm so not kinesthetically inclined. my ss teacher gave us this test thing and i was 16 on kinesthetic and 19 on both visual and auditory... but who cares. anyway my finger is like black and swollen and I was going around getting sympathy. but obviously some people wouldn't give me any. one even wanted to hit it. i doubt she is reading this but it REALLY HURTS I can't even ball up a fist now. thank goodness it's on the left or I can't write. I'm having trouble bathing though... but I shan't elaborate. and duing pe also took height and weight. yes lah I'm short and fat. 153 and 43.8. hah but I'll never diet... or exercise for that matter (besides the movement of my fingers on the com or flipping through tv channels). and so one might wonder how I can, with an injured finger, type for so long. I don't know really. bah. I really need to see y'all online sometime because I've got lots to say. haiyah. sometimes i wonder why i didn't take the normal route with a triple sci like everyone else. to paraphrase from a former classmate's saying 'I don't have to be special for the sake of being special' I think I've got to remind myself of that. but anyway my ambition is to sell hotdogs by the beach in california anyway so does it really matter if i take lit or chem or chinese? no. the other day went to buy new year clothes with my mother and sis at like toa payoh and junction eight lah. bought a pair of jeans so now i own 6 pairs but i prefer skirts. anyway these were blue hipsters with flared bottoms from some ulu shop. the good thing is cannot see any brand name at all. anyway then we bought shirts. I got 3 more bring my total new year shirt count to 6. but altogether it costs less than $50. the ones i bought this time were $4 and $7 and $5. hah so cheap and i like then. this year i am really going for comfort. there are no fancy stuff. ordinary jeans with 3 t-shirts and 3 sleeveless shirts. they are really me if you know what i mean. i esp like the one my sis brought back from australia. it has the words 'cheeky monkey'. hehe. and then there's this mashi maro one which i normally wouldn't wear but it's cute. and a bright red one with this old volkswagon on it. then this pink sleeveless top (yah it's pink... i didn't want to buy another white top). and this nice white one (to go with all the skirts i never wear) and finally this damn cheap one. white also with a heart on it. there were like piles and piles of it there cause like no one want to buy so from $16 became $8 become $4. hah. is anyone still there? anyway that's my new year clothes. I sound like a complete bimbo just then didn't I? anyway I'm downsizing this year. also downsizing in long zhongsity. oh and i really love tomorrow by lillix and that new john mayer song. and of course this love by maroon 5. and i downloaded them all. naughty me.

when we meet next time i still have lots more to tell. oh btw gen told me that michelle ooi told her that she really wants to go back during cny. bah. if anyone wants to arrange she can go do it herself.

anyway hope y'all are having a great time at school (the most condradictory contradiction)

1 week down, forty to go (minus the extras)

i really should get my own blog. that was very long wasn't it. i probably made a lot of spelling mistakes and i probably lost any reader by seeing the sheer length of this but heck. I'm writing for me and not them.

i shall end off with a quote from roger.

let's keep the sex thing going.

timecheck 8.10am. damn i took 45 mins. sigh. i still have hmk.

just realize bev put me down as pices. 24 march is aries. and I'm not ashiee.

oops. I was supposed to end after the quote. never mind I'll give another one. actually it's a lyric.

go make a life
not a living
singing glory
hallelu
that will do

we should be 7 billion mother fuckers singing proud

---10000 motherfuckers jason mraz

Love. 7:59 AM